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You
Can't Pummel Peace Into a Child
An essay by Sheila Miller,
Police Crime Prevention Specialist, 1992
"Boom In Suburban Teen Crime" was the
headline for a March 23, 1992, Star Tribune article talking about an explosive
crime rate in the suburbs. The article ended with Julene Zehoski,
a local police juvenile officer, saying there is a need for innovative
approaches to the problem, such as school programs to teach teenagers how
to deal with anger and conflict.
"Sure," you say, "One more social problem
dumped on the schools. We have to get back to the basics in schools!!"
"Back to the basics" is a good theory,
but let me introduce you to "Pat."
I have met Pat in all the elementary schools
I've taught at this year, from private to public schools, from kindergarten
through 5th grade. Pat is always there somewhere. You see,
I wanted to be able to tell people about the kids I've met this year in
our "nice suburban" schools without revealing anyone's identity.
So Pat is actually a composite of many kids. Pat might be a girl
or Pat might be a boy. Pat might resemble someone you know or Pat
might live in your neighborhood. Pat is real in the sense that the
bits and pieces are real things that real kids in our area are living through.
Pat cried in my arms as she described her
rape by a relative a couple of years ago. Pat's little sister was
raped in the room with her.
Pat's Dad has a hard job and unwinds after
work with a few beers and then gets nasty with Mom and the kids.
Pat recently came to school with a welt in the shape of a handprint on
the side of his face. Pat's parents swear at each other and at Pat
when they're angry. Pat swears at other kids at school (and sometimes
at the teacher) when she's angry. Until Pat gets bigger and stronger,
Pat will be afraid of his parents' wrath at home, so misbehavior at home
is rare. At school, though, Pat wants other kids to know he's tough,
so he is constantly picking fights with other kids to prove that no one
should mess around with him. When school calls Mom and Dad to report
the discipline problems at school, Mom and Dad say the teachers are picking
on Pat or that "boys will be boys" and the school is making too big of
a deal of this.
Pat's parents don't spend much time with
her, but they figure that if Pat's watching television, she can't get into
much mischief. Pat's favorite program is about a boy who hates school,
treats his dad like an idiot, and gets into a lot of trouble. Pat's
Mom and Dad think the show is cute. He also likes violent horror
movies where there's a lot of blood and guts. Sometimes when Mom
and Dad can't find a babysitter, they take the kids with them to the movies
and Pat has seen Terminator, Kindergarten Cop, Robocop, and all the Freddie
Kruger movies. Sometimes when Mom and Dad aren't home, Pat looks
for the "adults only" channel on cable TV.
There are several "Pats" in the classroom
where Pat attends school. The teacher frequently has to stop teaching
to discipline the students. She has caught notes being passed between
some of the kids suggesting sexual liaisons (that go further than kissing.)
Many of the kids in Pat's classroom still maintain childlike innocence,
however, when the teacher has to stop teaching to discipline the others,
the innocent children lose learning time as well. Those who have
been taught never to hit are victims of the bullying that goes on by Pat
and her friends. Those who defend themselves by hitting become part
of the problem.
Critics who say that schools shouldn't
be responsible for teaching children about how to deal with anger and conflict
are absolutely right when they say that parents need to do that job!
But you can't pummel peace into a child and you can't scream about respecting
other people. Until Pat's parents can show Pat by their example how
to deal non-violently with anger or conflict, Pat will continue to be a
victim and to make victims around her.
Today, we are making the decisions for
Pat and her friends in all our schools. Some day, Pat and her friends
will be making decisions for all of us in our old age.
We must break the cycle of violence.
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